people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
