Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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