we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
