the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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