just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
