Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
