don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
