hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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