I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
