didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
