this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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