glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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