ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
