Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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