The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
