You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
No stitches, just platelets and will power
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
