There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
