you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
