i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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