At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
