I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
