why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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