I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
