If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
