Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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