home. puking in laundry basket.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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