I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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