He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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