I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
