Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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