you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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