Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
