My friends, they love my intelligence
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
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