By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
