hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
