I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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