booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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