if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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