They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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