You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
