i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
