sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
