I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
