If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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