I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
