BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
