last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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