nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
