we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i would punch a child for taco bell
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
