Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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