If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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