I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
